Traveling – it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller – IBN Battuta

Kauai, like the big island is all about the activities. So many things to choose from. We had a sailing trip booked to sail past the Napali coast but when we rocked up they were not doing the coast that day as it was too rough. That was a bit disappointing, but we had had such a lovely day on Maui we figured it would work out ok anyway, and it did.

Sail the Napali Coast: Firstly, I have to say sea sick tablets really do work, because since I discovered them I have not been sea sick. Either that or I don’t get sea sick anymore (I never used to and then all of a sudden after getting sinus issues I started to get sea sick, but maybe it’s passed) I’m not willing to put it to the test on a full day outing though. And man I feel sorry for the people who go out on a day trip and are just green the whole time. And this trip had its fair share of unwell people. They pay quite a bit (re: I’m cheap) for the pleasure of feeling like death all day.

I’m going to say the trip was … ok.. see now that I have had some sensational day sailing trips (Maui and Miss Faith and I went whale watching last year and that was amazing) I’ve become a sailing day trip snob as well. Lol. The boat was nice, the food was ok, the crew were alright, I don’t remember getting any booze (that’s probably the issue right there) and the snorkeling was fine (saw some turtles). Unfortunately the weather at the start was not great but it cleared up nicely for the return trip. That made the trip a little miserable at the start and because the trip is really centered around seeing that incredible coast line, when you go the other way it just isn’t as pretty. In addition, there were quite a few sick people and I felt the crew were really not very attentive to them. They did not offer anything other than a sick bag. No advice like “look at the horizon” or don’t sit inside, giving people ice for the back of their necks. Just nothing. One fellow was just so green eventually I went in and asked for a cold cloth. The captain and crew member seemed almost annoyed . They gave me a bag of ice and I told a fellow whose girl friend was really sick to ask for one as well. Both people were really grateful for that as it does help a little.

I will credit the company that when you arrive to sign in they are straight up. We are not going to Napali and you do not have to come today if you don’t want to. The forecast looks like we will not be doing Napali coast for at least 3 days. Up to you. So thats really good. You can opt out. Personally, for the money, I would recommend you opt out and go and spend it on a doors off helicopter ride.

Don’t get me wrong it was a lovely day, just not sailing along the Napali coast lovely. So …do opt out if you are not going to be able to sail the Napali Coast.

Waimea Canyon: They call it the Grand Canyon of Hawaii. And fair enough too. I mean all in all it is a very grand canyon.

I don’t think this can be missed if your in the neighborhood. Just breathtaking views.

Tubing through the old plantation:

This was a super fun activity. The guides were really great. Young guys doing a fantastic job keeping people entertained and included.

The water was freezing cold but it is not so cold that it’s not enjoyable. It is very enjoyable.

Chicken in a barrel:

You can try so many beers. You get a little wrist band that you tap on the beer that you want, pour as much as you like. There is like a dozen beers and wine too. It wasn’t cheap though but still a little fun and the beers were delicious.

May there always be Tradewinds behind you, Rainbows above you, and Aloha all around you — Kauai Blessing

KA Y EEEEE. That’s how you pronounce Kauai. There is a sharp end to each syllable and seems like there is a break between each one as well. I can’t blame that on the strange way Americans pronounce things though as this is Hawaii.

Anyhoo. Whilst waiting for the flight we had some beers and they were super cute Budweiser’s in aluminum cans (BINGO! There’s a funny American pronunciation). I had not seen aluminum cans like this before but they were lovely. We might even have them at home but my beer drinking knowledge is very limited on account of my love of vodka.

It’s very different traveling with someone who knows where they are going and has things booked in advance. I mean nothing to report here. Off the plane onto the tiny bus to the car hire place and drive to the hotel. The hotel was super cute retro style with an outdoor restaurant overlooking the beach.

Kauai is the main reason for me returning to Hawaii and it is beautiful. Very green, not as developed as the other islands like even the Big Island. The weather was not great but it didn’t interfere with anything we wanted to do except maybe sunbathe but that’s ok because we still slothed about a bit we just did it at the bar 🤪

So I will try to outline some do’s and don’t of traveling on Kauai:

Doors off helicopter! Doooooo it. Dooooo it now, just go. So good. Stakles knew that the Napali Coast was my driver for this trip so when she asked me if I wanted to do doors off helicopter I was like, yep sure (actually I said that to anything she requested cause I was busy with work and paid no attention). In the back of my mind I thought, if Starkles is up for it then it can’t be too death defying. Right….right….wrong.

The company we went with were so good. When we arrived at the office it was a bit different and unexpected as it is a little shack looking outfit. The staff were super professional and courteous and never did you feel that they were anything but completely trustworthy, it’s just so laid back and I guess feels a lot less sterile than the last helicopter ride I went on. On the big island it was, at the airport, full on video safety briefing that made me feel like I was undertaking the first test run for helicopter flights ever, the stakes seemed really high. But I guess a lot of that was telling you how to open the doors and get out if required. This time, with the lack of doors, it was just do what we tell you and don’t fall out. Got it.

There were four of us on this tour. A lovely American couple from Ohio (I think) and us. Now the company says there are no bad seats in the helicopter and as they assign the seats they repeat that seat allocation is based on weight so that’s where you are seated. They say this a few times and I guess they must get a lot of complaints cause it seemed unnecessary. Maybe couples complain they can’t sit together. I don’t know.

If you do ever get over to do this, or actually, if you do doors off helicopter anywhere really, I do have one piece of advice. Take a coat. I took a coat. And by took a coat I mean I took a coat to Hawaii for this specific activity. I did not however take a coat to this specific activity. It was not too bad really. I only mention it because, well, classic Summer right, but also the reason it wasn’t too bad was that from the moment that aircraft raised its tiny doorless body from the tarmac, the fear and adrenaline that went coursing through my body whisked any thought of temperature far far from my mind. My mind was busy with thoughts of ooooh imma die here and then ooooh that’s pretty back to, oooh death death death then ooooh how come Starkles is so brave, imma die, imma die right now….oooh that’s pretty….how can I climb over the person next to me and make them sit on the side closest to the… oh that’s right THERE IS NO DOOR!…. oooh its all so pretty.

I was seated on the front passenger side so I guess you would say I had the prime spot. There are no bad seats but there are definitely better ones 😜.

The American girl was next to me, in the middle and then the pilot. I guess the people placed in the middle would probably feel like they did not get the full experience as they are safely nestled in between the pilot and the screaming, crying, mess of a blubbering old lady trying to claw her way over her to safety. But at least the helicopter is so loud nobody can hear you scream and Starkles obviously could not hear the choice things I had to say about her and her decision making.

Now, I’m going to admit I held onto that tiny string they consider a “safety strap” (and my breath) waaaaaay tighter and for waaaay longer than I care to publicly admit… but I did… and frankly with that knowledge I wouldn’t want to be the person sitting in that seat after me unless there had been a thorough safety check (and cleaning 😉) just, to make sure I had not pulled the God strap (oh god, oh god, oh god) so hard I loosened it. I’ve still got the strap indentations on my hand (4 weeks later).

So….once I got over my initial, let’s say unease (crippling terror) the flight was unreal. So so so beautiful. So many amazing waterfalls, dramatic landscapes, beautiful coast lines just breathtaking.

I would do this again and again and again, so it can’t be that scary right. Let’s call it…..exhilarating. Afterwards, I felt amazing, but, I mean who doesn’t feel better after a good cry (probably not the girl next to me)

oh and it can be just a little nippy, so take a coat 🤪

Do, doors off helicopter over the Napli coast.

Don’t, forget to take a coat.

I think I can, I think I can – the little engine that could.

I forgot to press publish… worst blogger ever!

Ok so I have to just come right out with it. The elephant in the room. I’m not the best sleeper (lol… more like the worst sleeper ever) but I’m also incredibly cheap, so when Starkles said we could share a room, I jumped on that. In her defense she did mention she snored. I mean who doesn’t right. Sometimes however, the English language does not really capture the true essence of a situation by just using one word. That word is Snore. And by essence I mean horror.

Let me preface this by saying Deb is a nice person (she made me say that…so you judge for yourself)

It’s hard to describe the unending torment that is spending a night sharing a room with someone who is clearly suffering from some form of critical, life threatening, sleep apnea. I’m sure the sleep apnea is not actually life threatening, but rather the sharing a room with me while you have it, is a danger to your health.

So I’m just going to describe it best I can. It’s like an oldy time locomotive boaring down as hard and as fast as it can, in a race against time, to see if it can beat, a 747 with supped up exhaust enhancements, to smashing into the side of a mountain first. Peaceful.

Where we stayed in Maui was super cute with its whale shaped pool, tiki statues, fire lamps and a hula show every night. It was right on the beach as well. Water was so clear. Perfect. About a 5 min walk from the hotel was Black Rock where the daredevils (people who could be arsed) jump off the rock into the sea. I thought I would give it a crack but (see text in brackets) something was holding me back. It was an ok spot for snorkeling and as per usual there were turtles about.

We did a day trip sailing, snorkeling tour to another island called (am texting Starkles to find out name of it) Lanai … The trip was great, the crew were awesome, the boat super comphy, the weather perfect, the food and drinks delicious but the snorkeling was not all that sensational. The problem is that once you see super amazing stuff, when it’s not super amazing it’s ok but not super amazing. Right. Snorkel snob. My friend Kee Kee Rockbottom definitely has the right to become a snorkeling snob but she probably won’t.

We saw some dolphins and some whale tails on the trip back so that’s exciting.

Back on Maui we had cheeseburgers for dinner. OMGRUFKM these burgers were hands down the best burger I had ever had. Starkles is addicted to Mai Tais. I’m addicted to not spending $10 US for a drink.

I’m so cheap.

The next day we did the road to Hana which is a very beautiful drive to the other end of the island. It was a lovely day, loads of waterfalls and breathtaking scenery, but I got to say that the highlight for me was the Huli Huli Chicken stand we stopped for lunch at. So good. Just so delicious. And cheeeeeap. Mission accomplished!

We did find another beach snorkel area that was a little drive from our hotel. The snorkeling there was very good. And of course more turtles 🐢.

We spent a few relaxing days on Maui then it was off to Kauai. And by relaxing days I mean days. The nights were filled with unimaginable terror on account of the apocalyptic sounds coming from the other bed.

But she did tell me she snores. And she is very nice 😜😉

Huli Huli Chicken and Pork – street sign Maui

What’s not to love about Hawaii. Beautiful beaches, beautiful scenery, mostly beautiful weather. I’ve done “the states” so many times and I’ve done Oahu and the Big Island on a previous trip so I kinda know what I’m in for, all the beautiful above.

This time I just rocked up and got on a plane. I flew Hawaiian airlines which has two seats on the sides and four in the middle. I had a window seat and next to me was a young girl from Brisbane who was going to Kauai. Get this.. can you believe, all she had done in preparation was book her flight. Apparently a friend was meeting her at the airport. The loser did not even know where she was staying. I mean who does that? Full disclosure, when they handed me the immigration form I had to write as the address I was staying “whale shaped pool hotel” and hope 1. That no one noticed and 2. That the hotel with the whale shaped pool was in Maui.

The flight took 8.5 hrs, and Jetstar have some cracking deals on atm for September next year, so get on that.

Starkles, as promised met me at the airport and we went to get our car. I had not disclosed to her that we may have a car hiring issue as the last time I was in Hawaii I had taken the side mirror off the car leaving the car rental car park as I didn’t want her to stress about my possible upcoming embargo placed on me by all car rentals in Hawaii.

We drove, easy peasy, to the Kaanapali beach hotel (who was going to remember that?) where the pool was shaped like a whale. It’s called the most Hawaiian hotel and it took me straight to the Bradys do Hawaii episodes. Tikis and fire lamps and all.

I need to mention that on the drive to the hotel we passed a sign on the side of the road. Huli Huli chicken and pork. I don’t know what Huli Huli is, but we all know, unidentified street meat is my jam. Soooo forget relaxing by the pool and just having a chill time in Hawaii. I now have a mission…must eat Huli Huli anything!

Every man can transform the world from one of monotony and drabness to one of excitement and adventure – Irving Wallace

I have a Whitesnake song rattling around in my head – “Here I go again, on my own” – except I’m not. I have a companion. Debbie, henceforth referred to as Starkles.

I was thinking I would not really have much to write about with this trip. I mean I haven’t done anything, except book my flight (which I thought I had screwed up) and make sure my ESTA is valid (and I will do that before Saturday) Starkles has done everything else. And I mean everything, ask me where I’m staying in Maui…..don’t bother cause I don’t know. Kauai? No idea. What are you doing in Maui, not a clue… well that’s a lie, if you thought the answer was day drinking then you are on the right track…poor Starkles or should I say pour Starkles?

She has already left. And let me tell you she was a little cursed on the way out. Her car got all hinky so she had to catch Con x cion from the Goldy to Brisbane Airport. Unfortunately for Starks, she just isn’t as, well, chill, as I am, and she found the fact that when they stopped for a pickup at Coomera and some people decided they needed to toilet and then to buy McDonald’s, she was a little miffed. I would go so far as to say annoyed. It’s purely because she is not as tolerant with others as I am. You see, for me in that situation, I would have just taken a few long, slow deep breaths, as I pummeled the life out of the entire party and drove myself to the airport. I hope she doesn’t bring any of that bad jui jui on the trip with us cause I am totally reliant on good luck to get by.

So for those that care, the trip is 1st Dec to the 14th Dec (IKR so fast). Maui, Kauai, Honolulu (notice I did not say where on Maui Or Kauai- it’s cause I don’t know). It’s all good though cause Starkles will meet me at the airport on Maui. What could go wrong? Kind of like that time I went to Vietnam with no idea where I was going cause Scott was going to meet me at the airport… oh that’s right, he didn’t 🤨

I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list – Susan Sontag

Why anyone would want to go on a holiday with me is just astounding to me. I do no planning. I am hard up buying a ticket to the correct destination, and god knows it’s pure luck if it’s on the correct date with the names spelt correctly, but with all that knowledge, Debbie has taken on the challenge.

14 Days in Hawaii, with me. Sure it’s different islands to the last Hawaiian adventure, of which you may recall, I went on a hike of death, discovered rat lung, meet a really cute, homeless, unemployed, alcoholic with a family history of mental illness and sketchy personal hygiene and he was a filthy smoker to boot and I packed my passport in my checked baggage. What could go wrong?

Well so far… I nearly booked to the incorrect airport, on the wrong day, and I thought I had booked my connecting inter island flights before my flight left Australia, but then forgot the..we arrive on the same day as we left dealio. And all I have to do on this trip, is book my flights.

Deb, as it turns out is a planner, so it’s basically like having my own personal travel agent. I just say I want to do this, this and this and she has researched and books and tells me what we are doing when. And as I type this after typing the paragraph before it’s starting to dawn on me there may be an ulterior motive….she thinks I’ll fudge it up. Well, I will have you know, Deborah, that I have booked a thing or two in my time and at least 30% of the time I have got it right. At least.

Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving ― Terry Pratchett

I had booked a room in LA because my flight is not until 10.30pm and when I arrived in LA it was 11.30 am and I didn’t have anything I really wanted to do except shop for some hair dye. And I’m about to do two overnight flights back to back and most importantly storing a bag in LA is just such a pain in the butt.

When I arrived at the hotel the staff member was amazing. Firstly I had not even thought about checking in time. Most hostels don’t strictly abide by check in times even though they have the rule. If the bed is ready it’s yours. Hotels of course are different. When I got there, she said check in was at 3!! I was like 😮. I explained that I had a flight and was not even staying the night and I had to leave at 7.00 anyway so by 3 the room would be pointless but oh well. I wanted to go to the shops anyway so can I just store my bag and I’ll go to the shops. Then she said….we don’t have bag storage….. wtdh… then she looked at my booking, said oh you have a double bed, do you mind if I swap that to a twin room. I said not at all. She said ok well you can check in now!!!!!! Then she gave me awesome instructions on where to go to get the specific brand of dye I was looking for! What a champion.

Got to shop, got to relax, got to LaX, which is a cluster in my option. Got on my flight to Sydney. All just great, tick, tick, tick. Arrived in Sydney, walking through the terminal, grab my phone to turn it on… drop, smash, damn! And by damn, I mean I am so happy that I dropped that phone at the very end of my trip and not at the start. The camera and phone still work but the front screen is smashed. Right across the selfie camera. OMG what would be the point of going if I couldn’t take a picture of the top of my head and my hat everywhere! pointless.

The immigration debacle that is the norm at Sydney airport ensured that I then missed my connecting flight. It just takes so long and there is no clear signage, so people who should be automated and flying through the process are in the wrong lines, of which there is not enough staff to cater for, because they expect everyone to go through the automated process, for which there is not enough clear instruction…it’s a cluster. I have been to some countries on this trip which made it so I could not go through the automated system anyway, so I joined the huge que. I figured I had been put on some sort of watch list after my fruit trafficking in Colombia anyway.

I was put on the very next flight to Brisbane and swept off to the international airport. And this was pure luck as I had mentioned to the customs person that there was no rush, as I had missed my flight anyway and because of that they told me that if you’re flying with Virgin you just walk to the end of the corridor for connections. This is lucky cause otherwise me and my bags would have caught the train to the domestic airport. Actually in hindsight that probably would have been better as although I just got on the next flight unfortunately my bags did not, so when I arrive in Brisbane I had no luggage. But they got delivered at 3 in the afternoon to my home. Again, how lucky is that. Travel the world and never lose a bag until I get home.

I told a friend who was having a rough time to create an Instagram account, don’t share it or follow anyone, just add the things that make you happy cause I sometimes scroll through mine when I’m feeling blue and it makes me happy cause it’s full of things I like. And that’s what I have to do to remember this trip. So much done. But above all the beautiful scenery, the cute and crazy wildlife, the delicious and sometimes suspect food and the incredible stupidity on my part, it’s the people that I have met or rekindled with along the way that will stay with me.

People I have met on previous trips that opened their homes to me and showed me a little of their lives, how awesome is that. I am sure on this trip I have made more of those friends that hopefully will visit me or me them. I’m looking at you Dario and Claudia…

It’s funny the little things that stay with you, like the closest near miss of a flight I have ever encountered from Minneapolis to Milwaukee or just how much the door man in Detroit loves susi.

I thought I posted this like months ago, but apparently not 😔🤷‍♀️

Next Africa 2020.

Keeping books on social aid is capitalistic nonsense. I just use the money for the poor. I can’t stop to count it – Eva Peron

There are so many homeless in Buenos Aires. They have homes on the street. I walked past so many little shanty set ups. Little gas burners with frying pans cooking up dinner. Mattresses. Big innerspring mattresses which was really nice to see. Not just one person with a mattress. Many many people with mattresses. Almost like there must have been some sort of donation drive or they are somehow supplied. 

Apparently from what I can gather is that Argentina cancelled a lot of welfare and therefore these people are now without a support structure they have probably relied on for generations. I saw whole families sleeping rough two parents two kids and a baby. 

I have met heaps of homeless in my travels, shared M&Ms, shared tea, fed the wildlife so I’m not oblivious to them. But Buenos Aires just seemed to have more. And in a strange way they seemed to be a more permanent part of the city to me. I don’t know why I have that impression.

I have learned some interesting, strange and let’s face it downright insane political history on this trip and Argentina holds its own against the rest. For those that don’t know Eva Peron is considered a goddess in these parts. But not by everyone. My cab driver thought she was an idiot and that anyone who doesn’t think she was an idiot is an idiot. I figured his English was not that strong as he also called sportsman idiots , other drivers idiots and a dog crossing the street an idiot. But you get his point. Also a hint, do not ask if Maradona is dead. No no no no no. He seems to be more revered here than Gloria Estefan in Florida or that Jesus guy in Italy.

Interestingly she was not the president but was the First Lady. She did run for Vice President but was forced to withdraw. She died at 33 and was embalmed to put on show like Ho chi and then her body was stolen and held for ransom. Then she was dumped back on the streets which is a tad disresptful and a little weird but then she lived (obviously using that term loosely as I don’t want to say she was stored) in the basement of the President and the Presidents new wife’s house until they built her a secure crypt. Just incase you missed that… IN …THEIR ….HOUSE. I have a lot of people in my life that I am quite fond of but none of them are coming to live with me alive yet alone dead. That’s not just because of my intense fear of zombies either, but I’m not going to lie that’s on the list of reasons. Anyhoo after all that Eva is now safely tucked away and her image is immortalized on the sides of a huge building and they built a town that from the air you can see has been planned in the shape of her famous bun wearing profile. I’m just going to go with a traditional 10 ft bronze statue when I go. I certainly don’t want to be stuffed. (Granted I may not understand embalming)

So from the under privileged back to the extremely privileged (me). While in BA I went to a tango and dinner show. I of course loved it. The performers are so talented. And it’s a bit sexy this tango stuff. My ticket included a free tango lesson before the show and as disappointing as this will be for y’all (oh I’ve been to the US enough times to use that term now) I did not attend. I love dancing and frankly I’m an awesome mover and shaker the problem is I’m not what you would call coordinated in any way shape or form so although I give it my all it just doesn’t transcend into anything remotely dance like or enjoyable to watch for any other reason than pure comedy. Also you have to do it with someone and I don’t like people touching me and what if it’s like that time I did salsa and their all sweaty. Yuk I didn’t like it at all. But the show was fabulous. 

There was a lot of theatre in BA and I was a bit disappointed that my Spanish was so terrible that I could not go.

On my last day when I went to breakfast in my hotel (I had actually left my hostel and got a hotel for a few nights. The smell was too much and the roomys perfume was even worse. I don’t know why boys think smelling like a tin of cheap deodorant is attractive to anyone: boys are stupid)

Anyway breakfast, they had portions of Dulce de leche like you get little butter portions and so I was taking a reasonable amount of this liquid gold as a, let’s say “sample”. As I was shoving handfuls of the portions into the pocket on the front of my dungarees this really tall South African man looked down at me and said quite seriously “Are you Australian?” I figured he was stereotyping me because I was at that particular time behaving somewhat like a thief and he was suggesting all Australians are theives due to our less than stella past. I tried to look as none guilty as possible as I looked up at him and I said “yeah 😏😳) and he pointed at me and burst out laughing and said “kangaroo”. I laughed along merrily with him as a I grabbed another two handfuls of that sweet gods nectar and walked away.

So BA was the last stop on my whistle stop tour. Sometimes I think I need to stay longer in places and now that I am home I have soooo many memories and did sooo much stuff that I’m glad I do it the way I do. But the trip home was a mammoth effort and an adventure in itself.

Fly BA to Houston (overnight) transfer 1 hr 20 mins wait then fly Houston to Santa Ana, transfer 1 hr to LA by van, 11 hr wait then fly LA to Sydney (overnight), transfer from international to Domestic airport, fly Sydney to Brisbane. The next day up to Caloundra for the four day Caloundra Music Festival then home.

As I boarded the flight BA to Houston my Dulce de leche portions were confiscated. I see no sense in that at all and in hindsight I should have just cracked open all the little packets and stood in line licking the contents out while everybody boarded. I wish I was a quicker thinker under pressure. I flew American Airlines and it was the nicest flight I have ever been on. It was so calm. I’m not sure why that was. Perhaps the music and the lighting but it was really relaxing. And that is saying a lot because I had booked my flight so I had 1 hr and 20 mins between my arrival and my departure in Houston and I had to go through customs so I had to get my bags as well. Let’s say I was a little stressed about that decision…I made …..as an adult…. who has done this a bucket load..

Clockwork BA to Houston, tick. Once in the US you think everything is simple cause it’s all English and it will be easy. American money is stupid. What the heck is a dime. For the love of sweet baby Jesus just say 10 cents. But then again we say bucks. Lol. Flight to Santa Ana, tick easy peasy. Grab my bags walk out the door, straight to my transfer. Wait 10 minutes,  noone else comes, private transfer to LA….BAM….. Like a moviestar or a Beverly Hillbilly.

Life is a journey. When we stop, things don’t go right – Pope Francis

Lenna and I spent the next 5 days together neither of us speaking each other’s language. It was hilarious. I did get to that stage where I realized I had broken her when she called me Mafalda and pushed all her air into her cheeks so they were fat, made a little fat squat motion with her body. Mafalda is a little fat girl who is the icon of Argentina. And Lenna was basically calling me fat… and she continued to call me Mafalda. I think this transpired due to my insistence on liberally smearing everything with dulce de leche, which is basically caramel. “Quiero una empenada del pollo, con dulce de leche” I just asked for a chicken empanada with caramel sauce…basically all food or drink orders throughout Argentina were finalized with with con dulce de leche (with caramel). She may have a point…but in my chubby defense it is delicious.

On my first night in Buenos Aires I went to The Argentine Experience. It is a dinner evening that Rhi put me onto. It was super fun. You make empanadas and have a making empanada competition, in which I was robbed. Not literally robbed, like say the winner who won the prize, which was a jar of dulce de leche, which I stole and was caught doing. I would have gotten away with it too it it wasn’t for all the people seeing me do it. Note to self, don’t mention stealing the prize then walk around with a jar shape lump in your jumper. They could see I have a serious dulce de leche problem and my jones was real.

The whole night was quite the experience as I had to get there using the metro. I love metros. They are the same in every county more or less so super easy to use. Similar to airports. Minor differences but more or less the same. On this trip I had to change stations so had a little confusion. Here’s how I will explain it. I needed to change at Station 1 from line A to line B, BUT line B is at Station 2 which you can get to from Station 1 by walking down the corridor, down the escalator and you are at station 2 where you can catch the B line in the direction you want to travel. 

After being told where to go I followed instruction and found oh yeah I am on station 2, cool. 

On the way back after dinner I went to the station got on the train, got off the train repeated the proceeds by walking down the corridor and onto escalators and promptly got on a train going the wrong way. No problem just get off the train at the next stop and go back….right…I got off the train walked across and onto the other platform. 

When I was on the other platform there were two sets of commuters, a group of three and a set of two people and some people sleeping rough were already in bed (a lot of homeless have big mattresses in Buenos Aires, more on the homeless later) the train arrives but doesn’t stop. Poop. I waited about 20 minutes and then I realized the other people have gone. They must know something I don’t. 

After another ten minutes I start to get a bit nervous. No train. Now what do I do? ask the homeless to squish up and bed down with them or leave the subway and try to work out where the hell I am. Oh to add to the excitement it’s midnight, I have NO cash and cabs don’t take cards here. Thank god for free subway wifi. I google map my location and find I’m only a 14 minute walk from my hostel. Yip yip. Now when I leave the station I just  need to make sure I am heading the right way.

I go up from the platform and when I reach the gate to exit it’s locked! Holy shit balls. As I’m struggling to try to open the door this fellow walks passed and casually hits a cross bar on the outside and the door opens. He did not say a word just kept walking. He probably thought I was unable to communicate due to the hard time I was having mastering the opening of a door. Freedom!

I turn and walk about 6 steps and there is a little shop open so I ask the guy where Avenida De Mayo is (it is a main road so really obvious) he looked at me like I had just landed my space craft so I showed him a picture of a huge monument which is on another main road that intersect with it. He tells me it’s back that way 1 block turn left and it’s 2 blocks down. Firstly I thought, of course it’s back the other way, which means when I exited the station I immdeiately went in the wrong direction, naturally. And secondly I thought, that sounds waaaay to easy. I did not for one minute believe him but I reclutantly turned and trotted off that way to my certain death. When I turned around I noticed a theatre with a trillion people exiting so now there are people everywhere. Yay. I walked down the block turn left and there, right in front of me two blocks down is the monument. I could have cried. 12 minutes later I was back at my hostel.

My hostel that allowed smoking inside ☹️. Not in the rooms but in reception but everything still smelled of cigarettes and pot.so nice. At least I had a boy in the dorm so the room smelled like a perfumery. 

The next day Lena and I did a day trip to Uruaguay which was really lovely. We went to a cute little town that is Unesco protected. To get there is only an hour by a fk off big flash boat that crosses the widest river on earth ….apparently … but according to Google that’s the Amazon River, sooooo I’m not sure what sort of wild horse shit that tour guide is spinning. It was a bit of a cluster because when we got there we had to do the tours separately cause one was Spanish the other English but we met up after and did lunch and shopped.

On the way back to our accommodation Lena took me to Pappa Franks church. He of course isn’t there anymore cause he lives in the Vatican. It’s pretty cool to go to the church he used to run though. Even though I had been to his new church before he got to live there. But that’s nothing too special I guess cause they seem to let anyone in those places.

Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore – Andre Gide

Ok so I forgot to mention in El Calafate I did a tour where you have dinner in a cave. It was a really nice experience. The food was lovely and the setting is unique. The tour gives you a walk through the area and you can clearly see where the indigenous lived there. The rock art is fascinating cause it’s very similar to our indigenous. Well not ours of course but Australian indigenous. The hands and the dots. These were done over 4000 years ago. The hands are generally quite small because frankly they did not have a very long life span, which considering the harsh environment around Patagonia is not surprising. I nearly didn’t make it through one very end of winter 🙄.

Of course no time to spare now. I checked in to my hotel in Ushuaia that had a beautiful view AND a bath and then quickly went to get a ticket on the train at the end of the world. Time for a little stroll around town, take a pic or two (OMG so many) and then it’s off to the end of the world train ride. It was lovely. It’s an oldy time train that has big billowing steam trail puffing along. But it didn’t seem as exciting as the pics I had seen but that’s probably because they were all covered in snow and so therefore had an element of danger and treachery and when I was on it there was very little snow. The train did break down and we had to get off it and onto another, so two trains for the price of one right 😜 it gives you a good commentary in English of the history and the exploitation of the prisoners that worked and died to build it.

Walking around Ushuaia is lovely and as shown in some of the Instagram pics it is just a sensationally beautiful part of the world. I’ll say it again. Don’t bother going to South America without going to Patagonia. That’s where these contries truely shine in my humble opinion.

Ohhh and it was a bit nippy but nowhere near what I thought it would be like. I thought for sure I would be weeing ice cubes but it wasn’t bad at all. Actually I was colder in Bolivia and Peru than in Patagonia. Probably not as prepared for it in those countries. There is no such thing as bad weather just bad gear, said someone trying to sell gear once.

The cab drivers are NUTS. My cabbie on the way to the airport the next day did not give way to anything. I have never been more sure I was going to die (strangely as the bus was barreling down on me in the backseat of the cab, I just looked at it and thought, soz Kyles…) and the cabbie laughs… out loud laughs, as that bus is screeching to a stop. He didn’t even bat an eye. Didn’t change speed, nada. I did not tip him but I’m pretty sure I left him a little summin summin on the back seat 😏

At the airport I couldn’t find the gate. I walked up and down 1, 2, 3, 5, 6… where the fk is 4. After completely giving up, which I did not do until I contemplated Harry Pottering it on the wall between gates 3 and 5, I was going to just sit down anywhere and hope for the best when I heard my name. I thought Jesus Christ it’s the Bocas boat boys all over again but to my great surprise it was Lenna the lady I met on the glaciers tour. She was going to Buenos Aires and she knew where the gate was. Huzzah! She came and sat with me and from then on a new holiday romance had begun.